Uncle Meat

GUEST CONCERT REVIEW: The Sword 04/12/2016 by UNCLE MEAT

Part two of a two part series. Part one: High Country album review

GUEST CONCERT REVIEW by UNCLE MEAT

THE SWORDTHE SWORD – London Music Hall, London Ontario 04/12/2016

I don’t think we ever found out the name of the first band that played on this night.Β  They had some great riffy moments, nothing too spectacular but a good way to warm up the crowd.Β  Seconds after they finished their set, Tom turned to me and said, Β β€œNever too old to enjoy a Rock Show.” Β A month earlier we had enjoyed another Rock Show, catching ZZ (that little band from Texas) Top when they rode into town. Ironically enough, tonight was all about seeing The Sword, another band of Texans who actually cite ZZ as a major influence. Six degrees of integrity, or something like that. Thus begins yet another musical journey, and yes Thomas is right.Β  In our 40’s and still lovin’ the Rock Show.

I had the pleasure of seeing The Sword once before as openers for Kyuss Lives: Relentless hard-rock riffing personified. Β We realized that this would be quite the different experience.Β  Not only because they were playing a headlining set, but more importantly, we were seeing a completely different band than they were just a few years ago.Β  Debuting in 2006, The Sword released four great metal albums.Β  Albums that I definitely enjoyed, but apart from a few exceptional tracks, to me they were just another metal band.Β  While I can still appreciate a good thrashing once in a red Satanic moon, the genre as a whole has kind of taken a nostalgic back seat for me.Β  Before their latest album High Country was released, I didn’t LOVE The Sword. Β When I read comments from The Sword that basically stated that this new album would reflect more of who they really are, and that if they made another similar β€œmetal” album it wouldn’t be authentic, it instantly intrigued me.Β  From the first listen I connected with the polarizing High Country in a serious way.Β  So much so that I actually over-played it and had to put it away for a bit.Β  However β€œmetal” fans had a different take on it.Β  Almost every review I read was negative and most of them could have been summed up with three words: “not heavy enough”.Β  That’s OK,Β cement-heads.Β  They didn’t make this album for you.Β  They made this album for themselves, and apparently me.Β  Several songs on High Country tap into the 70’s soft-rock genre (Ambrosia/Little River Band/Bee Gees) that I am a huge sucker for.Β  Thank you The Sword.

Since this is the home of Record Store Tales, I should include this.Β  While we were in London we stopped by the Record Store Tom used to own in London.Β  I don’t think the name of this particular chain can be mentioned around these parts, but I swear it doesn’t rhyme with “Pete Rose Con”.Β  Anyways, I witnessed first-hand that while record stores are a dying breed, there are still gems to be mined out there.Β  Tom’s face lights up as he finds a new copy of a Spiritual Beggars CD being sold new, at a used record store.Β  Irony ensues as we find out that the store manager that ordered in that particular CD was a guy Tom trained 20 years ago.Β  Sowing the seeds of Rock. Β But I digress.

Second opening band Royal Thunder took the stage and began doing a…umm…sound check?Β  Considering there was a fair crowd in the London Music Theater at this point, this was something I haven’t seen very often, if at all.Β  After their first song which understandably sounded pretty shitty, the female lead singer goes on a bit of a tirade about problems at the border and that Canadian cops are assholes.Β  Aha!Β  Live sound check explained.Β  Royal Thunder had some great groove moments, but too many scattered riffs going nowhere. Β And too much β€œplinkilly plinkilly” with the guitars going on; it overall needed some more beef to it.Β  Female lead singer/bass player certainly had some good pipes on her, but and I quote from Tom, β€œI liked their sound check better than most of their set.”  To me they kinda sounded asΒ if Bonnie Tyler developedΒ an affinity for Satan and became the singer of Concrete Blonde.Β  I also enjoyed that the drummer looked like our friend Tyler GenerouxΒ or 1971 Ian Paice, and he played like 1971 Bill Ward.Β  In all reality their whole set acted as a glorified sound check for The Sword anyways.Β  Step aside…this is High Country.

The lights go down and before The Sword come out, Christopher Cross’s “Ride Like the Wind” blares through the theater and it’s a glorious confirmation to me.Β  This band is making a statement right away. Β High Country’s opening track “Unicorn Farm” plays as the hombres walk on stage.Β  Launching into the album’s next track, Empty Temples, all sound issues have been corrected and they sound great.Β  It’s during this song that it hits me.Β  The Sword is one of my favorite bands and I don’t know even the first name of any band member on stage. Β I can still tell you off the top of my head that the classic lineup of Ratt is Stephen Pearcy, Juan Croucier, Bobby Blotzer, Warren DiMartini and Robbin Crosby. Β I even know how to spell them.Β  But I have to use Google to find out the names of the members of one of my favourite bands.Β  That’s just freakin’ stupid.

Lead singer John D. Cronise (who also plays rhythm/lead guitar) never had your typical heavy metal voice, so their new direction sits right in his wheelhouse.Β  His partner in axemanship, Kyle Shutt, is the most rambunctious one in the band, and these two guys trade rhythm/lead guitar with the grace and prowess of combos like Adrian Smith/Dave Murray or any or all of the twin guitar combinations within the under-appreciated Thin Lizzy, and the great Wishbone Ash.Β  Watching these guys together was a pure joy.Β  Perhaps the most interesting musician on stage was bass player Bryan Richie, realizing early on that the standing synthesizer and keyboard foot pedals surrounding him make it possible for them to play some of the more eclectic material from High Country on stage. The band’s new direction has basically made him the most important member of the band, for live performances. Last but not least, in the immortal words of David St. Hubbins…β€œGreat drummah…great drummah”.Β  Fittingly enough, he even has a Spinal Tap-esque name.Β  His name is Santiago β€œJimmy” Vela III.Β  You just can’t make that shit up.Β  But seriously, he was a very solid drummer.Β  Every few songs he would ride that cowbell all the way to Valhalla!Β  There is just something about the cowbell that cuts clean through, especially with live music. Β It’s powers certainly worked on Tom and I, as we often found ourselves screaming ROCK SHOW!!…ROCK SHOW!!, in appreciation of The majestic Sword.

Staying mostly within the hallowed fields of High Country, more aggressive tracks “Ghost Eye” and “Suffer No Fools” actually conjured up a mini mosh-pit, which thankfully faded away as fast as it started.Β Β  Who needs that bullshit anymore.Β  Stand-out track “The Dreamthieves” was executed perfectly with background vocals and keyboards abound.Β  The mind-blowing portion of the night comes when they play the robust “Mist & Shadow”, putting everyone in a rock and roll haze.Β  I have been calling this song β€œThe ‘Layla’ of hard rock” since I first heard it, and the patience in the composition and performance of “Mist &Β Shadow” defines not only this show for me but what this band has become.

The Sword left and subsequently returned to the stage for their encore.Β  This is when I believe the band made its most profound statement of the night.Β  I am sure that the metal fans wanted to hear their classic riffer “How Heavy This Axe”: Β Great heavy tune off their second album that I wanted to hear as well.Β  Almost seemed to be what they should do.Β  Instead, they chose to play the two tracks on High Country that are the most un-metal songs of not only the album, but their career.Β  It was a brilliant choice and the message was clear.Β  A message that became clearer as the lights come on and America’s “You Can Do Magic” starts playing.Β  The look on some of the stunned faces around me in the crowd were pretty comical, and made me almost me feel proud of this band for not taking the easy way and going through the motions with just another metal album.Β  This is what happens when musicians know who they are and what they want to become.Β  Maybe the message is that once you get to this magical place that The Sword are in musically…You can do magic.Β  You can playΒ anything that you desire.

665/666 stars

#459.2: 2015 Year-End Lists, part 2 – Uncle Meat!

GETTING MORE TALE #459.2:
2015 Year-End Lists, part 2 – Uncle Meat!

List #2 for 2015 comes from the Uncle of the Meat. He needs no introduction here. Looking for some integrity? Then have a gander below.

MEAT

Meat, Bucky, Tom

UNCLE MEAT’S TOP FIVE ALBUMS of 2015

5. The Book of Souls – Iron Maiden
4. Meloria – Ghost
3. Terraplane – Steve Earle
2. High Country – The Sword
1. Psychic Warfare – Clutch

CLUTCH

UNCLE MEAT’S TOP TEN TV SHOWSΒ of 2015

10. Ash vs. Evil Dead
9. F is for Family
8. Daredevil
7. W/ Bob and David
6. True Detective
5. Mr. Robot
4. The Affair
3. Better Call Saul
2. Game of Thrones
1. Fargo

BOB AND DAVID

UNCLE MEAT’S TOP TEN MOVIES of 2015

10. Straight Outta Compton
9. Ant-Man
8. Trainwreck
7. Avengers: Age of Ultron
6. Amy
5. Spotlight
4. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
3. The Revenant
2. Jaco: The Movie
1. Love and Mercy

AVENGERS

Last list tomorrow! Β It’s MY turn next….

#433.5: Top 15 on the 15th (by Uncle Meat)

Getting More Tale #433.5 presents: A worldwide online event!
THE TOP 15 ON THE 15th – Guest shot by Uncle Meat

This is an event spanning many sites and writers in the World Wide Web. Β I will link to as many as possible; my own Top 15 can be found here. Β A few months ago, the challenge was thrown down to all comers: Β List your top 15 albums of all time! Β The date September 15 was chosen for the deadline.

Uncle Meat laboured hard on his Top 15, eventually whittling it down from a list of 31 great records*. Β Without any commentary, here they are. Β His only requirement: Β No live albums.

RUST15. Rust in Peace – Megadeth

SCREAMING14. Screaming For Vengeance – Judas Priest

EARTHQUAKES13. Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos

CLOSE12. Close to the Edge – Yes

CONSOLERS11. Consolers of the Lonely – The Raconteurs

CLUTCHING10. Clutching at Straws – Marillion

REIGN9. Reign in Blood – Slayer

MINDCRIME8. Operation: Mindcrime – Queensryche

WHALE7. Whale Music – The Rheostatics

MISPLACED6. Misplaced Childhood – Marillion

MOVING5. Moving Pictures – Rush

ROXY4. Roxy and Elsewhere – Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention

PET3. Pet Sounds – The Beach Boys

HEMISPHERES2. Hemispheres – Rush

CORAZON1. El CorazΓ³n – Steve Earle

* For shits and giggles, here are the rest of The Meat’s albums that didn’t make the final cut.

  • White Pepper – Ween
  • Sky Valley – Kyuss
  • Harvest – Neil Young
  • Heaven and Hell – Black Sabbath
  • Fireball – Deep Purple
  • Somewhere in Time – Iron Maiden
  • Tenacious D – Tenacious D
  • Queens of the Stone Age – Queens of the Stone Age
  • Dogman – King’s X
  • American II: UnchainedΒ – Johnny Cash
  • Sheer Heart Attack – Queen
  • Noisy Nights – Uzeb
  • White City – Pete Townsend
  • Van Halen – Van Halen
  • Let There Be Rock – AC/DC
  • Kristopherson –Β Kris Kristopherson

#422: Sausagefest 2015 – The Complete Countdown (& some quick pics)

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Seb and LeBrain, this year’s videographers

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#422: Sausagefest 2015 – The Complete Countdown

The annual trek to Sausagefest is centred upon the always epic Countdown. Β There were many misadventures on the way to the Countdown, and after. Β While I am sworn to abide by the credo “What happens at Sausagefest stays at Sausagefest,” I am also bound by my own nature as a storyteller. Β Therefore, I can share with you a number of brief tidbits, hints, and insinuations.

Yes founder Chris Squire died only days before the Sausagefest countdown. Β It was too late to include a tribute a Squire tribute into the countdown itself, so Tom and Uncle Meat sequenced about an hour of Squire’s best music to precede the actual countdown. Β This was a promising hour, but upon hitting “play” on the laptop, it was immediately obvious that something was wrong. Β We were only getting one channel. Β Yes music, with its layers and wide stereo panning, turned out to be great music to test the four speakers. Β Unfortunately it took almost all of the Squire-allotted time, seventeen men* and one record producer to figure out that all the muss was being caused by an RCA adapter somewhere. Β We got two Squire songs, excellent as they were.

The Countdown this year was informally dubbed “The Greatest Songs of All Time”, because for the first time in years, the slate had been cleared and any and all songs were open for voting. Β Because of this anything goes approach and some younger blood, we got to hear a lot of classic tunes that often are either overlooked or just not up for grabs. Β I’m sure this was the first ever appearance of Boston on the countdown. Β I can probably say the same for Foreigner. Β These top ten hits are offset by more obscure favourites by Ian Thomas and UFO.

Now below, please analyse and enjoy the one and only OFFICIAL 2015 Sausagefest Countdown. Β Every track was a winner. Β I’ve highlighted songs I voted for (only two this year).

1 Battle Scar Max Webster/Rush
2 Shine on You Crazy Diamond^ Pink Floyd
3 Hallowed be Thy Name Iron Maiden
4 Working Man Rush
5 Sultans of Swing Dire Straits
6 La Villa Strangiato Rush
7 Eulogy for the Damned Orange Goblin
8 When the Levee Breaks Led Zeppelin
9 Natural Science Rush
10 A Day in the Life The Beatles/War mashup

^ The whole thing…parts I-IX.

Look at that majesty. Β FOUR RUSH SONGS IN THE TOP TEN!

11 Fatso Forgetso Kyuss
12 Heaven and Hell Black Sabbath
13 Toronto Tontos Max Webster
14 Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd
15 Superstition Stevie Wonder
16 Rime of the Ancient Mariner Iron Maiden
17 Master of Puppets Metallica
18 End of my Daze Trouble
19 Papa Was a Rolling Stone The Temptations
20 The Trooper Iron Maiden
21 Ramble Tamble Creedence Clearwater Revival
22 War Pigs Black Sabbath
23 Penis Ground Groove Daddys
24 The Ocean Led Zeppelin
25 Stranglehold Ted Nugent
26 Sympathy for the Devil The Rolling Stones
27 Muffin Man Frank Zappa
28 Smokin’ Boston
29 Child in Time (Live ’72) Deep Purple
30 Aces High Iron Maiden
31 Into the Void Black Sabbath
32 25 or 6 to 4 Chicago
33 Machine Gun Jimi Hendrix/Band of Gypsies
34 Doctor Doctor UFO
35 Kashmir Led Zeppelin
36 Old Man Neil Young
37 Suite: Judy Blue Eyes CSNY
38 Illegal Smile John Prine
39 Testify Rage Against the Machine
40 Get Up Offa That Thing James Brown
41 Belzelboss Tenacious D
42 Emerald Thin Lizzy
43 Sweatleaf Black Sabbath
44 Tribute Tenacious D
45 Tres Brujas The Sword
46 I Black Sabbath
47 The Temples of Syrinx Rush
48 Space Oddity David Bowie
49 46 & 2 Tool


“Then I fuckin’ diddle-riddle-dee-doo.”

50 Monkberry Moon Delight Paul McCartney & Wings
51 39 Tenacious D
52 What is Hip? Tower of Power
53 Over the Hills and Far Away Led Zeppelin
54 The Mob Goes Wild Clutch
55 Better Living Through Chemistry Queens of the Stone Age
56 Mongoose Fu Manchu
57 Roadhouse Blues The Doors
58 Inside Looking Out Grand Funk Railroad
59 Hurt Johnny Cash
60 Don’t Stop Me Now Queen
61 Careful with that Axe Eugene Pink Floyd
62 The Chain Fleetwood Mac
63 Ophelia The Band
64 Jukebox Hero Foreigner
65 Fairies Wear Boots Black Sabbath
66 Where the Devil Don’t Stay Drive By Truckers
67 Fat Bottomed Girls Queen
68 Under Pressure Queen
69 Fools Overture Supertramp
70 The Pot Tool
71 Tempus Fugit Yes
72 Thunderstruck AC/DC
73 Green Eyed Lady Sugarloaf
74 Duke’s Travels Genesis
75 Red Hot Mama Funkadelic
76 Painted Ladies Ian Thomas
77 Down by the River Neil Young

Please note that double-shot of Queen, above!

Also note the presence of “Penis Ground” by the Groove Daddys (not to be confused with the Groove Daddies, or Groove Daddy). Β This was a local trio fronted by guitarist and singer extraordinaire Rob Szabo. Β I certainly didn’t expect anything that obscure making the list, considering the diversity of folks that attend. Β To rank all the way up at #23? Β That’s proof of the sheer quality of the music. Β Indi enough for ya?

Once again, a huge thanks to Tom, Meat and everyone else for working so hard for us. Β Thanks Craig Fee and Jeff Woods for your much-appreciated willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty. Β And lastly thanks to Uncle Meat for being such a delightful travel-mate this year. Β Enjoy some of these pictures from the weekend, official video still to follow!

The Setup:

The Live Bands:

The Fest:

The Aftermath:

IMG_20150705_110509

* I didn’t take a head-count, but I swear if it wasn’t seventeen guys trying to fix the thing, it was close. Β It doesn’t really matter because more wouldn’t have helped!

#420: Walk With Meat

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#420: Walk With Meat

Everybody loves misheard lyrics!Β  β€œβ€™Scuse me while I kiss this guy.”  There are entire books available with nothing but commonly misheard lyrics.Β  My dad used to think Gene Simmons was singing β€œa beach creature in the Ladies Room” on that Kiss classic from Rock N’ Roll Over.Β  Misheard lyrics can be embarrassing when caught singing along, but also fun.

Perhaps some lyrics are not misheard at all.Β  Perhaps some are intentional?

My good friend Uncle Meat pointed out a good one on Queenryche’s 1986 track β€œWalk in the Shadows”.Β  This opening song from the amazing Rage For Order album has remained a fan-favourite over the years.Β  Its progressive-rock-meets-technology vibe was very new for the time, though it was skeptically met by fans of pure guitar rock.Β  As much as Rage For Order broke new musical ground, it was also quite complex lyrically.Β  I even studied some of the songs (β€œNeue Regel”, “Chemical Youth”, and β€œSurgical Strike”) for a highschool English project.Β  But what was Geoff TateΒ sayingΒ in the lyrics?

What? You say you’re through with me,
I’m not through with you,
We’ve had what others might call love.

Only mildly disturbing.Β  Sounds like a clingy ex-lover who can’t face that his relationship is over.

You say it’s over now,
What’s done, what’s through?
You can’t stay away, you need me,
I need you.

Again, still clingy and slightly desperate.Β  Nothing of any depth or hidden meaning though.Β  It’s all right there on the page.Β  But wait….

Ow! You got to stay with me…(Walk with me)
Oooh! Walk in the shadows (Walk with MEAT),
Walk in the shadows (Walk with me),
Ahhh, yeah! Walk in the shadows, WOO! (Walk with MEAT),
Walk in the shadows (Walk with me),
Ah, ahh, ahhhhh! Walk in the shadows (Walk with MEAT),
Walk with me!

Listen to the end of the song.Β  You can clearly hear the β€œt” in β€œMeat” on every other line in the outro.Β  Clearly!Β  And notice how Geoff puts his emphasis and screams and fill-ins on the MEAT lines. He even threw in a “woo” there. How often do you hear Geoff Tate throwing “woos” into his lines? So what was Geoff Tate really trying to tell us on “Walk in the Shadows”?*

Analyzing the lyrics of the song, and digging into the album itself for more clues, I think I have finally figured out the true, hidden story behind β€œWalk in the Shadows” by Queensryche.Β  The technological theme takes us into the future.Β  That much is obvious from the album’s lyrics and concepts.Β  β€œI only dream infrared,” and all the high-tech artificial intelligence hints at a future that had not existed in 1986.Β  We are getting closer, but thankfully the robots haven’t revolted yet. Tate is obviously foretelling the future rather than singing about current events in 1986.

Some time in late ’85, when Geoff Tate was knee-deep in a vat of red wine, a bottle fell off his top shelf, hit him on the head and knocked him out cold.Β  He awoke in a future that is still far away, even for us in 2015.Β  The year is unknown – Geoff was still too loaded on wine to pick up a newspaper and read the date.Β  However one thing is known – the future will be dominated by Uncle Meat. Tate wandered this future landscape for some time, and witnessed things that no-one would believe. His only option was to hide these warnings in the lyrics of a concept album. Β That album was Rage For Order. Β “Walk in the Shadows” was the opening song. Β That’s how Geoff Tate plays his cards — right there on the table.

β€œWalk in the shadows, walk with MEAT.” Β Geoff had seen a glimpse of ourΒ planet’s gloriousΒ future.Β  Walk with him and you will see – the future is walking with MEAT.Β  You couldn’t get any clearer.Β  Once you hear that not-so-subtle β€œT” in β€œMeat”, the rest slowly reveals itself, like a puzzle with the edges already finished.

I for one welcome our new Meat overlord!

WALK WITH MEAT


 

* There is no evidence to suggest a connection to the Joey Tempest Conspiracy (TM).

*^ This Β footnote is in no way an attempt to keep reminding you of the Joey Tempest Conspiracy (TM), in an effort to foreshadow future posts.

*^^ It actually is.

 

#411: Stop Playing ‘Beth’ – The Post-Sausagefest Countdown

IMG_20150705_081414

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#411: Stop Playing ‘Beth’ – The Post-Sausagefest Countdown

Perhaps the only bigger production than going to Sausagefest is coming home from Sausagefest. Β At least when you’re travelling with Uncle Meat.

As we have previous years, Uncle Meat rode up with me. Β This time he slept in my car too. Β This pretty much left me responsible for him. Β I roused bright and early from a restful slumber on Saturday morning to evacuate my bladder. Β Imagine my surprise when I found, at 6:30 in the morning, Uncle Meat, Bucky and Matt still up from the night before. Β They were just starting to fall asleep when I took my morning shit. Β I then went back to sleep in my tent for a few more hours.

Our Saturday morning tradition is to hit up the Flying Spatula in Flesherton for our breakfast fill-up. Β Sebastien, driving his 4×4, stopped by my tent and asked if I was riding up with him. Β Ready for some bacon and eggs, I hopped on board with Seb, while Meat snoozed away in my car’s passenger side seat.

My first controversy of the weekend was not waking Meat up for breakfast. Β Being that he had only gone to bed a couple hours before, I thought I was doing him a favour. Β Apparently not. Β “Breakfast before sleep!” he said. Β Apparently that’s the Meat priorities.

Saturday went off without a hitch, breakfast arrangements aside. Β I will post the full 78 song countdown (plus a couple odds n’ ends) in the days ahead. Β Saturday night was loaded with long bombers, such as “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” (13 minutes), the live “Child in Time” from Made In Japan (12 minutes), and “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” (25 minutes). Β The excellent countdown (dubbed “the greatest songs of all time”) ended after midnight.

SundayΒ morning, I found I had the most difficult job of all. Β It took me an hour and a half (close to two hours) to wake Uncle MeatΒ from his slumber. Β As the others were packing up their tents and heading off into the sunrise, I found I had a passenger unwilling or unable to rouse himself. Β “If you let him sleep in your car again next year, then there will be nobody to blame but you,” said Troy.

I cranked “I Stole Your Love” at max volume. Β No reaction. Β Tom threw a 12-pack of socks at his head (photo above). Β No reaction. Β I played Kiss’ “Beth”, followed by the 1988 Eric Carr re-recording. Β Still Β nothing. Β Only when I put the car in drive and started moving it around did Meat finally decide to wake himself. Β I took him on a drousy “drive of shame” to visit all the people who had no trouble waking up. Β “I have a boner” he announced. Β Yes, it’s true — Uncle Meat woke up with wood.

After telling us all about his boner, he kept shouting “Stop playing ‘Beth’!” even though the song was no longer playing. This continued when we pulled into our first stop, Top of the Rock, for him to get his first coffee. “Stop playing ‘Beth’!” he shouted in a barely-there voice, any time somebody was in his vicinity.

“Stop playing ‘Beth’!” he shouted, when his roomate Zack also pulled into Top of the Rock. Zack informed us, “That’s just him. He’ll just keep repeating it unless he gets something new in his head.” Zack paused and said, “Watch. Rododendron!”

“Rhododendron!” shouted Meat, parroting his roomate. “Rhododendron! Stop playing ‘Beth’!”

And that was it pretty much the rest of the ride home. A selection of brief statements, repeated ad nauseum: “Rhododendron!” “Stop playing ‘Beth’!” “Coffee!” Repeat.

The weekend more than made up for the ride home. Sebastien and I shot lots of footage, including underwater stuff with his GoPro. For the first time ever, we will be combining footage and doing the annual videos together. Be patient, this will be worth it.

Three albums I must own, after this year’s Sausagefest:

  • Trouble – Trouble (1990)
  • Rheostatics – Whale Music (1992)
  • Grand Funk Railroad – Live: The 1971 Tour (2002)

Stop playing “Beth”? Never, man! Stay tuned….

#392: Tyler and LeBrain episode 5 – The Final Chapter

WHITE FLAG

RECORD STORE TALES Mk II: Getting More Tale
#392: Tyler and LeBrain episode 5 – The Final Chapter

It is time to admit defeat!

Check out the whole series:

#334: Tyler and LeBrain episode 1 – Nickelback
#339: Tyler and LeBrain episode 2 – Monster Truck & More
#343: Tyler and LeBrain episode 3 – The French Invasion
#345: Tyler and LeBrain episode 4 – Return of the Monster Truck

#390: The Open Door Piss Strikes Back

NO PISSING

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#390: The Open Door Piss Strikes Back

I will never forget the night we invited a bunch of friends over to play Rock Band. Β It is unlikely that any of our guests will have difficulty remembering either. Β For the night of the Rock Band party was also the night of the return of the Open Door Piss.

It was a mixed crowd, a bunch of people who hadn’t met before. Β It was one of the first parties we hosted as a married couple. Β Jen invited a couple of her co-workers from RIM, I invited oneΒ of mine and his wife, and of course I had to ask the incredible Uncle Meat to attend. Β Meat is quite a singer, you see, and my Rock Band crowd was short on singers. Β I was the only other attendee who liked to sing. Β My songs were “Painkiller” by Judas Priest, “Paranoid” by Sabbath, and generally any rockers I was comfortable with.

Uncle Meat’s speciality was the lead vocal on Rush songs: “Closer to the Heart, and “The Trees”. Β That was fun for my buddy Chris, a fellow fan of Trailer Park Boys. Β When Meat took on “The Trees”, I excitedly told Chris, “This is the song Ricky’s always complaining about…how trees talk to each other and how different parts of your brain work!”

We got a couple of beers into him, and Uncle Meat nailed “The Trees” note for note. Β He did an excellent job, while one of Jen’s co-workers did a pretty good Neil Peart on the drums. Β High-fives all around.

After putting 100% into his vocal performance, Meat excused himself. Β “I have to piss,” he said. Β “Where’s the washroom?”

Down the hall Meat went, just at one of those moments that happen in every party, when things quiet down. Β Tired from rocking track after track, we all sat quietly talking in the living room, just when we heard the sound.

It was the old, familiar trickleΒ of an open door piss. Β Familiar to me maybe, but not someone like the wife of my co-worker!

“Is that…is he…” she muttered, and everyone stared in the stunned silence of simultaneous realization.

“He’s peeing with the door open?” someone asked, and I nodded to confirm!

Meat re-emerged to the now-silent living room.

“Hey Meat! Β Did you have a good piss?” I asked.
“Huh?” he responded, wondering why I’d ask that question.

“We could hear everything!” I laughed, cracking up. Β “You forgot to close the door, we heard every drop.”

“Oh!” said Meat sheepishly. Β “Yeah.”

Laughter broke the tension, but I will never let Uncle Meat forget!

REVIEW: Spinal Tap – This is Spinal Tap (soundtrack remastered)

SPINAL TAP – The Original Soundtrack Recording from the Motion Picture “This is Spinal Tap” (1984, 2010 Universal remaster)

In true Spinal Tap fashion, it turned out that I reviewed their albums in the wrong order. Β I went backwards, and the soundtrack to the motion picture This is Spinal Tap is the last Tap album for me to scrutinize. Β Though Spinal Tap is a parody band made of actors Michael McKean, Christopher Guest and Harry Shearer, it is easier to just refer to them as David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Derek Smalls.

If you happened to go through life without owning a single soundtrack album, then you must reverse that situation immediately. Β All self-respecting rock fans must be able to laugh at the absurdities of their favourite genres, and Spinal Tap represent every mis-step that legendaryΒ rock bands ever took. Β Spinal Tap forced real life rockers such as Judas Priest and Ronnie James Dio to laugh at themselves; a healthyΒ undertaking. Β Even though some artists didn’t see the humour in the movie This is Spinal Tap, others did and were quick to claim that certain scenes were actually based upon them!

The single/video “Hell Hole” opens the album, a rare Nigel lead vocal with David St. Hubbins on the chorus. Β According to the helpful liner notes, this track was from Tap’s then-new reunion album, Smell the Glove. Β Scorching guitar from St. Hubbins and Tufnel; slamming drums from Mick Shrimpton and spot-on organ byΒ Viv Savage: it’s all here. Β And let’s not forget the band’s secret weapon Derek Smalls on bass and backing vocals, thickening up the mix like a good brown gravy….

I always think of “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” as the song on which something is all but guaranteed to go wrong, live. Β In the studio it’s a taut rocker with explicit lyrics: Β “You’re sweet but you’re just four feet and you still got your baby teeth, you’re too young and I’m too well-hung but tonight I’m gonna rock ya!” Β Lock up your daughters, but you don’t want to miss this scorching classicΒ from 1974’s Intravenus de Milo.

“Heavy Duty” is a concert classic, originally from Bent for the Rent (1976), but to me it has long overstayed its welcome. Β It is a mere skeleton of a song with not enough raw meat. Β It does ask an important question in the lyrics, “Why waste good music on the brain?” Β Interesting inquiry David; something to get the metal masses thinking. Β For fans of Nigel Tufnel’s signature shredding, you will find much to love in his solo for “Heavy Duty”. Β Moving forward to 1977, we are next treated to the title track from Rock and Roll Creation, Tap’s misguided collection of rock and roll psalms. Β Thankfully the track “Rock and Roll Creation” itself boasts one of the band’s strongest choruses, though it is certainly hard to forget the scene in the movie when Derek fails to escape his pod.

The liner notes say that “America” is previously unreleased (I did not know that). Β It was barely in the film. Β This duet between Nigel and David boasts some heavy riffing, but not much in terms of melody. Β Lyrically the song recounts the experience of Spinal’s visits to America, “pretty womens everywhere, Brady Bunch and Smokey Bear!”

Side one of the soundtrack closes with “Cups and Cakes”, a pre-Tap single from 1965 when they were still known as The Thamesmen. Β This is a Tufnel creation about having tea. Β Predating Sgt Peppers by two years, obviously the Beatles must have taken inspiration from “Cups and Cakes” for their own songs. Β Strings and trumpets create the backing music while nary a rock instrument can be heard.

The legendary “Big Bottom” (from Brainhammer, 1973) was given some legitimacy when Soundgarden decided to cover it (as a medley with Cheech and Chong’s “Earache My Eye”). Β In this track all the axemen play bass — there are no guitars! Β Opening side two with a song that is all bass and no guitar was probably a genius move. Β I just can’t explain why. Β I’m just assuming. Unfortunately when Soundgarden covered it, they did it with guitars, failing to capture the mighty bass necessary to sing a song about bums.

“My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo, I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo”

From 1980’s poorly reviewed Shark Sandwich is the riffyΒ “Sex Farm”. Β Though Shark Sandwich might be considered one of Tap’s worst, “Sex Farm” is one of their most enduring anthems. Β Readers of my regular feature here, Record Store Tales, may recall that my good friend Uncle Meat got written up at work for playing this song in store. Β Supposedly somebody called in to complain about the lyrics. Β This is Spinal Tap is his favourite movie of all time. Β “I realize there is some innuendo,” says Meat. Β “‘Plowin’ through your beanfield’…I just, you know, the thought of someone allegedly being so offended by Spinal Tap…” he trailed off. Β (You can see the story in video form here, as this very CD was one of the Top Five Albums that Got Us in Shit at the Record Store.)

The best tune on 1975’s The Sun Never Sweats was undoubtedly “Stonehenge”, and I would argue that it remains the greatest Spinal Tap song of all time. Β It is hard to encapsulate this opus in mere English. Β Tap take us on a trip back in time with both Tufnel and St. Hubbins sharing lead vocals. Β The mandolin break at the end is one of Tap’s most famous musical moments, as it is there that things often seem to go wrong in concert, regarding the giant Stonehenge prop that is supposed to appear on stage.

In my last year of high school, my mom bought me this soundtrack on cassette. Β That helped enable a group of my friends to do a Spinal Tap “air band” at our school’s annual air band competition! Β Lacking a mandolin player, they instead snagged one of our math teachers who played banjo, and had him come out on stage dancing in lederhosen. Β Absolutely brilliant. Β I’m glad to have participated in it in my own small way of lending the tape. Β Bringing Spinal Tap to the highschool masses? Β There must be an award for that.

The album comes to an end with two oldies-but-goodies. Β Back to the Thamesmen days, it’s 1965’s “Gimme Some Money”, the flip side to “Cups and Cakes”. Β The drummer wasΒ John “Stumpy” Pepys (Ed Begley Jr.), a “tall blonde geek with glasses” according to David. Β Pepys died in a bizarre gardening accident. Β This artifact from their skiffle period is best remembered for Nigel’s cool guitar solo. Β “Go Nigel, Go!” Β Then finally it’s “(Listen to the) Flower People” from the cumbersome titled Spinal Tap Sings “Listen to the Flower People” and Other Favourites (1967). Β The drummer on this track was Eric “Stumpy Joe” Childs, who sadly choked to death on vomit (not his own) in 1974. Β What is especially interesting about this track is Nigel’s use of the sitar, a full two years after George Harrison did on Rubber Soul. Β Spinal Tap were exploiting the hippy movement and this track was one of their greatest successes.

The remastered CD comes with two bonus tracks! Β The non-album single (1984) for “Christmas With the Devil” is presented in two mixes, one from the A-side and one from the B-side. Β Prior to this, the only version of “Christmas With the Devil” available on CD was the re-recorded one on 1992’s Break Like the Wind. Β The original single version(s) remained obscure until 2000, when Universal released them here. Β Now finally having them all, I must say I prefer the 1992 version best. Β The original does have a little more pep in its step, and there is a Christmas message from the band at the end. Β The “scratch mix” of the single is not much different.

All joking aside, it’s crucial to remember that these guys (the actors) were not musical slouches. Β Michael McKean was nominated for an Oscar award, for his music in 2003’s A Mighty Wind. Β The musicianship is there and it’s intentional humorous. Β You can hear musical jokes in the solos of Christopher Guest. Β As a result, the soundtrack is not only funny but also timeless. Β A good song is a good song is a good song, and some of the tracks here are actually really good when you break them down. Β “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight”, “Sex Farm” and especially “Stonehenge” are all really good songs when it comes down to it!

In the real world, all the songs were written by the trio of Guest, McKean and Shearer with director Rob Reiner. Β The drums were handled by R.J. Parnell of Atomic Rooster, who played Mick Shrimpton in the movie. Β On keyboards is David Kaff (Rare Bird) otherwise known as Viv Savage from the film. Β (Rare Bird are probably best remembered as the band who originally did “Sympathy”, later covered by Marillion.) Β The album was self-produced. Β There is no questioning the chops of the musicians involved. Β It’s hard to create a musical joke of album length that is still fun to listen to 30 years later.

4/5 stars