I started feeling sick on the 24th. By Christmas Day it was a fully blown flu.
I’ve been running on empty. Driving back and forth from London for cancer doctor appointments, fighting to get an MRI done, Jen’s biopsy, work…the tank has been empty for two weeks. It’s no wonder I got sick. I generally don’t get the flu shot, though it is free and widely available. Last time I got it was in 2006. I got so ill that I swore I’d never get the flu shot again.
On Christmas Day, a couple people in the family made a rude comment behind my back about how I’d better be in a “better mood” by dinner. They thought I couldn’t hear. That was that. Energy = tapped. Why even keep trying. I’ve been in bed ever since. I’m writing this from bed on my laptop. I haven’t been out of bed. I haven’t felt this exhausted in many years.
There will be no Christmas update and we’ll have to see about end-of-year lists. I’m too tired.
I hope your Christmas has been germ and drama-free!
GETTING MORE TALE #623: Rocking Around the Christmas Tree
Traditions change and evolve over the years as families do. I have always been excited about Christmas, going back my youngest days. I would be so excited I couldn’t sleep. Killing the days before Christmas was agonizing. I guess as kids we were a little spoiled.
Spoiled kids became spoiled teens. As I got older, I stopped asking for toys for Christmas. Music replaced them. Most of the time, I would circle titles that I saw in print ads. Stores like A&A Records and even the local Zellers had flyers with new releases and sale items. I remember the winter of 1986, circling two: Helix’s Long Way to Heaven, and Yngwie J. Malmsteen’s Trilogy. I didn’t know much about Yngwie other than a few videos on TV. I circled both and I received both, on cassette. I recall listening to them on a pair of earphones at Grandma’s after Christmas dinner that year.
The following year, 1987, was the year of a couple pretty important albums. That Christmas I received Def Leppard’s Hysteria, and Whitesnake’s 1987. Hysteria quickly became the favourite. Its impact was immediate and that cassette kept me entertained for years. Whitesnake took more time to get into. It didn’t help that the cassette had speed issues. Similarly, the Helix and Yngwie tapes from the year before had the same drag problems that made them hard to listen to. Because of this, many albums that originally had quality problems on tape releases, I didn’t warm up to for many many years. It was hard to enjoy Whitesnake tunes like “Don’t Turn Away” when they were slow and warbly.
When I first began receiving tapes for Christmas, the mid-80s, we had a pretty routine Christmas schedule. There was no variation from year to year. We have a small family compared to others. Our celebrations always began on the 24th. My mom and dad would spend the morning preparing food and cleaning. My sister and I would be pains in the asses. Then my aunt and uncle from Stratford would come over around 2:00 and we’d exchange first gifts. My aunt and uncle always brought fun gifts. They would never, ever buy clothes for Christmas unless it was something we asked for. No socks, no undies, no shirts, no pants. Fun gifts only! Sometimes guitar strings, games, and sheet music. There would always be at least one tape for each of us.
After gifts were opened, my sister and I would go upstairs and play our new tapes. Sometimes, we’d have something a little bigger: a video tape. In 1991, my aunt and uncle gave me Faith No More’s You Fat Bastards. They had access to a cool store in Stratford that would special order anything. As my needs evolved, my aunt and uncle would typically buy me hard-to-find items. The Faith No More video was one such special order. That year, I ran downstairs to the spare VCR and fired up the live video. My other uncle came down to watch with me, but didn’t care too much for their cover of “War Pigs”. Admittedly, it’s pretty different.
The traditions didn’t change much as we got older. In the 90s, my buddy Peter would come over for Christmas Eve. And, my sister discovered wine. One of her rituals now is drinking her wine out of her special cup which we have dubbed the “Holy Grail”, due to its perceived similarity to the one that appeared in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Usually, before she takes a sip, I make her say the line, “It certainly is the cup of the King of Kings…”
Our Christmas Eve dinner, which is my favourite, has remained unchanged in over 30 years. We do a beef, chicken and veggie fondue. We’ve only had a couple of injuries over the years, but table cloths were frequently destroyed. Today, my sister does the Christmas Eve entertaining, as my parents have retired from this duty. She’ll always have some Christmas music playing, though not the kind I like. We don’t run to listen to our gifts on headphones anymore. We had to grow up, a little bit.
Christmas Day was also special for us. When we were kids, I’d wake up my sister early in the morning to open presents. Now, we put on our winter boats, coats and hats and drive over, and usually quite late in the morning. More gifts are exchanged, and always more music. It’s interesting to look at the kinds of albums I received then compared to now. Back then, a multi-disc set was a big big deal. Now, a three disc set can be as little as $30, the same price as a double live CD then. I seem to get a lot of deluxe editions and box sets for Christmas now as if it’s no big deal!
My sister and I would exchange gifts, and we always got music for each other. She was really good at filling in gaps of my collections. Artists like Alice Cooper and Whitesnake had large discographies and I had very little. She would look at my tape collection, go to the mall and pick up one of the many I was missing. Whitesnake was an annual gift for several years in a row. This was cool because it was always going to be something I didn’t expect, because my sister didn’t buy this off of some list I made. It always came 100% from her own intuition.
After the parents’ house, we’re still not done. Time to see Grandma! She always makes me laugh. One year she wrote inside a card, “You can use your Christmas money to buy a CD record.” Aww!
There is one Christmas tradition that I don’t particularly enjoy, and it’s a more recent one. We call it the $10 Gift Game. Lots of families do the same thing. Everybody buys a generic gift worth about $10, wraps it, and puts it on a table. Then, everybody draws a number out of a hat. #1 goes first by picking a gift off the table. They then open that gift for everyone to get a look at. #2 goes next. #2 either picks a wrapped gift off the table, or steals the gift opened by #1. If #2 chooses to steal, then #1 must open a new gift. But #2 must remember, their gift can be stolen by #3, #4, #5, and so on.
Each round consists of the next number in line picking a gift from the table or stealing. It gets quite tedious in our family, because my mother really likes to drag things out. She will encourage people to steal, so that the victim must replace their gift by picking or stealing from someone else, and then the next victim must also replace their gift, and on and on each round goes. At the end of the game people usually just end up swapping to get the gift most suited to their needs. For example, my mother or sister always end up with the booze. It’s harder to settle on who gets the chocolates.
One year, in protest of the game, my gift was a bag of unwrapped nickles and pennies adding up to exactly $10.*
Yes, I can be a Christmas grump sometimes. As a non-drinking participant, sometimes things can get a little goofy for me. Also, my dad’s level of interest in the game is so minimal that someone basically has to play for him while he does something else! The game definitely has a short shelf-life for me.
We are a bit older today but still try to have fun with Christmas. My sister and I will be giving music to each other, I’m sure, as we have done just about every single year for 30 years. Usually, we will just sit around saying, “Remember that one Christmas when…?”
I sure do. Here is a list of my Top Ten Most Fun Christmas Gifts of All Time.
1978 – Star Wars X-Wing Fighter
1979 – Star Wars Millenium Falcon
1983 – Star Wars Jabba the Hutt playset
1984– GI Joe Killer W.H.A.L.E. Hovercraft
1985 – My first dual tape deck
1986 – GI Joe Cobra Terrordrome
1987 – The latest by Def Leppard, Whitesnake, Kiss and also Kim Mitchell’s Akimbo Alogo
1989 – My first CD player and my first CDs: Motley Crue – Dr. Feelgood, Whitesnake – Snakebite and Alice Cooper – Trash.
It’s a busy time of year when you have Christmas and birthdays in the same week! I always felt bad for people who have birthdays at this time. They always seem to be overshadowed. So join me in wishing Mrs. LeBrain a happy birthday today! She surely deserves it.
Don’t worry about gifts. All she really wants is for the Leafs to win the cup! (For Christmas or her birthday — either one will do!)
Although this is a music site, because of our current battles I am going to be writing more personal stories within Getting More Tale. I apologise for the lack of music today. Music will always be the main focus but I also have to express myself. Hence: Cancer Chronicles.
GETTING MORE TALE #622: Cancer Chronicles
Health care in Canada is free, but it’s not an easy system to navigate. It can be confusing and scary; there is no instruction manual. You have to be hands-on with your own health care. You have to be on the phone every day asking questions and pushing for answers.
Here we are with the next chapter in Jen’s cancer battle. We needed an MRI (magnetic resonant imaging) done right away. The surgeon in London, who is an excellent doctor by the way, needed the MRI results so he could perform a biopsy. The MRI in Kitchener was booked for Tuesday December 12. We had a meeting at the hospital on the 14th, in preparation for the biopsy on the 18th. It was a tight schedule and we were glad so many things were moving very fast.
Jen showed up for her MRI on the 12th, right on time. She was extremely upset to find out there had been some kind of mistake. Instead of December 12, the MRI was apparently booked for mid-February. This threw everything out of whack. The surgeon couldn’t perform the biopsy without the MRI, and the biopsy was mere days away. A February MRI simply would not do. It would push back Jen’s cancer surgery by two months!
I got a text message and a phone call from Jen, extremely upset about this turn of events. Understandable. Finding out you have cancer is a kick in the shins enough. Having your appointment date screwed up so badly is a whole other punch in the face. We never got a straight answer on how it got messed up, but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was getting it fixed.
The hospital called the house, fortunately, because that’s where I was.
The person on the other end of the phone said “Please tell Jen I got her appointment moved to January.”
I realize that getting appointments pushed ahead is next to impossible. I know she probably moved mountains to get that date. But the fact is, it still wasn’t good enough. We needed the MRI done before the biopsy. Otherwise everything would be delayed.
I told her, “That is not good enough. We need the MRI done by Thursday when we go back to London.”
“I’m sorry sir but I’ve done everything I can. I was just calling to tell Jen that we got a better date, I thought she’d be happy about that,” she said.
“But we have a meeting at the hospital on Thursday! And a biopsy on Monday!”
“I’m sorry sir but this is the very best I can do. There was some kind of miscommunication over this, it’s not my fault. If anyone cancels I’ll call Jen immediately but we are booked solid,” I was told.
I wasn’t happy and it showed.
“Sir, please let me finish,” she said.
“No, you need to listen to what I’m telling you,” I interrupted. “The surgeon is waiting for that MRI, he needs it to do the biopsy. The biopsy is already scheduled. We need to get it done for him before then.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” she told me, “but please don’t be angry with me, it’s not my fault, I have done the best I can do.”
I calmed myself down.
“I’m not angry with you,” I attempted to say in a calmer voice, “and it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. That’s irrelevant. You have to understand that you are now delaying her cancer surgery.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” she rebutted.
“Well it might not be what you’re saying, but that’s a fact. That’s a fact.” I paused to regain my thoughts. “If the doctor doesn’t get these results until January, he won’t be able to do the biopsy, and that’ll push everything back. That’s a fact.” I couldn’t imagine the surgeon being happy about this.
Finally she seemed to understand the problem. I think before this point, she just assumed I was an upset husband who wanted to get the dates expedited. But I still wasn’t getting any help.
“Then you need to take that up with your doctor,” she said. “I’ve done all I can do.”
I attempted to escalate.
“Then I need to talk to someone who can get us a better date.”
“I’m sorry sir, but that’s just not possible. This is the best date I was given.”
That gave me an opening. “Then I need to talk to the people who gave you that date.”
She paused. “Please hold,” she said with no patience left. I was on hold for two or three minutes.
Suddenly, I was connected with the imaging lab. The person on the other end of the phone was already aware of the situation. She asked me for the name of the surgeon. I asked, “So you are going to try and get her the MRI appointment before the biopsy?” She answered yes and assured us that she would call us back.
Jen arrived home shortly after I got off the phone. She was still incredibly upset. I told her, “It’s OK, don’t worry, I am taking care of it. They are going to call you back, they are going to try and get you a better date.” She started to calm down a little bit, but the truth is, neither of us really thought we’d be able to get a closer date. I know I did the very best, and pushed as hard as I possibly could. However I also know how booked up these places are. Usually for months and months in advance. I gave it my best shot.
An hour or two later the phone rang. To my absolute shock, they told Jen they moved her MRI to the very next day.
I still can’t believe it.
They must have called the surgeon, who assured us that he needed that MRI done right away. And so it was.
When Jen showed up for her MRI the next day, the staff told her “Your husband must love you very much. This never happens.” Well of course I do! But I didn’t do anything special. I did what any husband would have done. The fact that I got results is the only thing that made it special, and I think the surgeon had a lot to do with that. The biopsy was performed on schedule. Results should be in before Christmas. We are still on track. In the new year, she’ll be beating cancer.
I told my dad and co-workers what happened. Every single person said the same thing: “I’ve never heard of anybody being able to get an MRI scheduled for the next day, ever! How did you do it?” Another guy at work assured me, “I come from a family of doctors, so believe me, getting an MRI moved to the next day never happens!”
I felt good. I felt like a total hero. But as long as I’m just a hero to my wife, that is reward enough.
BAD AXE THROWING, 700 Strasburg, Kitchener Ontario
There are few things in life as basic and satisfying as the sound of an axe striking true. Chopping wood was one of those fun chores at the cottage, but we never got to throw an axe. Now, I have.
Axe throwing is, simply put: fun! It’s fun because it’s not something you get to do every day. It’s a physical activity, but one that all types can participate in. Thowing axes is a casual group activity that’s about as competitive as going out bowling. At its core though, axe throwing gives you the thrill of hurling a sharp metal object at a target.
Here’s the thing. I’ve watched enough seasons of The Walking Dead. I know how handy this skill would be in case a zombie apocalypse. Hell, they virtually did an entire episode about Rick Grimes’ axe. Should the zombies come for us all, I will have an advantage over anyone who hasn’t gone axe throwing. When the zombies rise, I’m heading over to Canadian Tire and stuffing as many axes as I can find into my belt.
Once waivers are signed and a few basic rules are gone over, you are free to start throwing. There are throwing cages, set up for two throwers and two targets. Our group had an instructor who showed us the basics. I favoured a two-handed throw. Others chose to throw single-handed, though with less accuracy. It’s so easy! Once you have your form, you can really get on a roll.
After everyone had warmed up, a game began. We were to give insulting names to the other team, and it seems the best they could come up with were “Spice Girls” and “Charlie’s Angels”. Needless to say, I was not involved in the name selection.
I was pleased to have thrown the winning axe in game #1. We barely lost game #2, which involved a tricky target of a small blue dot. To keep things fun, the instructor threw in a few twists. Bonus points were given for the best “battle cry”.
Food and alcohol are welcome, but our pizza delivery guy got lost. The Kitchener Bad Axe Throwing location is not easy to find. Go to the Forest Glen plaza on Strasburg Road, but then you have to drive in behind the No Thrills. Look for the wooden Bad Axe Throwing sign. If you have your windows down, you’ll be able to hear it before you see it — that awesome sound of wood giving way to steel.
We had our group booked for three hours, and after we finished our second game we just took turns having fun. Fun it was! I would do this again. At no time did I find it dangerous, and the instructors are always right there to help. As my visit was organised as a work event, I did not see the final cost. Give Bad Axe a call and check out their website. They have locations in Canada and the Unites States. Throw an axe and have a blast.
Writer/Director Rian Johnson brings his own slant to Star Wars with Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. JJ Abrams played it safely to fans of the Original Trilogy with The Force Awakens, and he did so successfully. He did little to expand the mythos, but Rian Johnson has certainly stepped up in that regard. Some fans are already going apeshit. The old “George Lucas ruined my childhood” has been replaced by “Rian Johnson and Disney have ruined Star Wars”. They’re also upset because just about every single fan theory…was wrong.
Some fans will have difficulty accepting certain revelations about The Last Jedi. There are also stylistic choices that are questionable, such as the return of lens flare, and lazy gimmicky slow motion. Johnson also chose to tell parts of this story by use of flashbacks, something that Lucas generally avoided. These factors, plus the recurring symbolic use of the colour red, make The Last Jedi feel like the odd man out of the saga.
Now, somebody hand Mark Hamill an Academy Award, because he earned it this time. His curmudgeonly older and wiser Luke Skywalker is note-perfect. Some fans have complained that this Luke is not the Luke they hoped for, based on the old Expanded Universe (EU) novels. On the other hand, this previously unseen Luke rocks because it’s completely different from previously told stories, which is what the Sequel Trilogy needs to be. Remember, Lucas never would have followed those old books any way. He never has. Regardless, Hamill has clearly done his best cinematic work in The Last Jedi, fulfilling the wishes of every fan who wanted to see the most powerful Jedi master in the history of the order.
This isn’t really a spoiler, but The Last Jedi does prove that Luke Skywalker has indeed fulfilled his destiny of becoming more powerful than any other.
Don’t worry, fanboys, there is lightsaber action to be seen; and don’t forget the original 1977 Star Wars had very little to start with. Instead of prequel-esque lightsaber stupidity, Johnson gives us a more contemplative Skywalker. The stories of Luke and his new student Rey (Daisy Ridley) are so compelling that other heroes are left by the wayside. Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac), Finn (John Boyega) and newcomer Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) have their own mission on the side, to cripple the evil First Order. Unfortunately, and perhaps just due to the gravity of Luke’s story, these side missions only prolong the wait for more scenes with Luke. Or, Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), the Vader wannabe with the temper of his grandfather. Ren has a strange connection through the Force with Rey, and the two are eventually brought together to face each other again.
The Last Jedi should satisfy some who thought The Force Awakens didn’t acknowledge the Prequel Trilogy enough. There is a reference to Darth Sidious (better known as the Emperor) and the new setting of Canto Bight would fit in with Attack of the Clones. Finn and Rose must find a master hacker in Canto Bight, a posh gambling centre frequented by rich weapons dealers making money off both sides in the war(s). New character DJ (Benecio Del Toro) is sceptical of both sides, because he knows it doesn’t matter. The same people are getting rich no matter what side wins. This is a relatively new concept in Star Wars, although Darth Sidious did control both sides of the Clone Wars, he didn’t do it to get rich.
Poe, Finn and Rose are among those under the command of Princess Leia, still a badass, and so sad knowing that Carrie Fisher has gone. Leia has her own moments in this movie, and we know that she was to be the main focus of Episode IX. Now that Carrie is one with the Force, it is very unfortunate that she didn’t have a larger part of The Last Jedi. She has a few good one-liners, and Carrie portrayed Leia as a strong and immediately charismatic leader. There is also one Leia sequence that has fanboys destroying their action figures in anger.
Also noteworthy: Andy Serkis as Supreme Leader Snoke (via motion capture). Serkis makes Snoke more three-dimensional, and though his scenes are short, they satisfy. Laura Dern’s new character Admiral Holdo was memorable for the scenes she had. Unfortunately, Gwendoline Christie was wasted for a second time as Captain Phasma, in what was little more than a cameo. General Hux (Domnhall Gleeson) does a little better as the token second-in-command.
John Williams did it again with another fantastic score, although even here reviews are mixed. Bass clarinettist and fan Kathryn Ladano was disappointed that there were not many new themes involved. Radio personality Jason Drury on the other hand called the score “possibly the best of 2017” and “another triumph for John Williams”. I was pleased to hear the return of Rey’s theme and a few other favourites from the olden days.
Expect the unexpected with Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Don’t pay too much attention to the extremely negative or extremely positive reviews. The truth is, as always, somewhere in the middle. And that is part of the story of The Last Jedi. The truth depends largely on your point of view. The two other main themes here are hope, and the power of a symbol. If the title wasn’t already used in another movie, you could have called it Episode VIII: A New Hope.
Sunday Chuckle was a new feature in 2017 — just something to read over your morning coffee to make you smile. Would you like to see the Sunday Chuckle return in 2018?
Here in one handy-dandy location are all the 2017 Sunday Chuckles. Some are still funny, some are duds, but here they are! Thanks for reading along this past year.
SLOAN – “Kids Come Back Again at Christmas” / “December 25” (2016 murderecords 7″ single)
This record arrived at LeBrain HQ almost a year ago — too late to include with last year’s Christmas reviews. So, not only did I wait until today to review it, I actually waited until today to even open it! This record is courtesy of James from the KMA, a superfine guy who always hooks me up with the latest Sloan rarities. This 7″ single released on murderecords certainly qualifies.
The record is packaged not only with a download code, but also four unique Christmas cards and even little red envelopes for them. I would never deface these collectables and send them out; to me they are part of the single. Each card has a relevant Sloan lyric inside, such as “I’m just walking around, I made that snowsuit sound.”
Both seasonal songs are originals. Chris Murphy takes the first lead vocal on “Kids Come Back Again at Christmas”, a bright piano-based Sloan number. Bells and chimes make it sound seasonal, but otherwise it’s good old mid-tempo Sloan pop rock. “December 25” is led by the vocals of Jay Ferguson. Jay’s material is often laid back and more contemplative. Both tracks have certain Sloan trademarks, such as strong melodies, backing vocals, and an old-fashioned no-frills approach. All instruments are played by the band, with nothing extraneous added like you often find in Christmas rock tunes.
Two catchy songs, a cool limited edition package, and vinyl. Sounds good to me.
Ever have extracurricular activities at work? Do you enjoy them?
We had very, very little at the Record Store. In 1995, the mall had a bowling tournament. Different stores faced off against each other. The Record Store had to take on the ladies from A Buck Or Two, a bargain shop. We had a lot of fun, and I cannot recall who won, which means we probably lost.
We did have annual Christmas parties at the Record Store, and for a while we even had summer parties. There was nothing else though that would have qualified as an extracurricular activity, unless you count endless staff meetings. I know some places have team building events, like going to an “escape room”. That sounds like fun, unless you don’t like your co-workers.
The best work event I had the pleasure to attend was Jan 31 2009, right after Jen and I married. I received four passes to go see the Toronto Maple Leafs from a private box. My boss and I went, and of course I had to bring Jen. It was fantastic! So much food: nachos, chips, prime rib, chicken, sushi, ribs, wings, everything! On top of this, it was Dougie Gilmour night, and they raised his number 93 to the rafters. I didn’t even know who Doug Gilmour was. But the Leafs beat the Penguins and Sidney Crosby. Good thing; the rest of the season sucked!
Our work is doing a team building event this Friday, which unfortunately conflicts with Star Wars, but that’s life right? We all voted, and for our event we are going axe throwing! How metal is that? Fortunately I do like all my co-workers, so I’m not worried about any errant axes headed my way. The establishment is called Bad Axe Throwing. By that I hope they mean I’ll be like a bad ass, not that I will be throwing axes badly.
Knowing my teammates, we’ll be laughing as much as throwing. I’m looking forward to it, though the timing is shitty. This will be the first Star Wars Saga* opening that I’ve missed since Return of the Jedi. No big deal; it’s only a movie and I’ll see it soon enough.
Axe throwing is just so metal! With that in mind, here are five awesome tracks involving axes.
1. KISS – “I Love it Loud”, because of Gene’s axe bass.
2. KICK AXE – “On the Road to Rock”, because they have axe in their name.
3. PINK FLOYD – “Careful With that Axe, Eugene”. Not metal, but good advice.
4. HELIX – “Axe to Grind”, from my home town!
5. THE SWORD – “How Heavy this Axe”. Really fuckin’ heavy!
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